No Fooling

April 1, 2016

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April 1st. Today is my Father’s 91st birthday. I have not seen or talked to him in quite a long while. Not really either of our faults, it is just that he died in 1981 before even reaching his 56th birthday. All of his children, and we were still just children, I soon to be 36 and all of the other five younger by two or three years in some random mathematical progression, mourned his passing in our varying degrees and ways. I truly only know what I felt and still feel as, I guess, in a way we are not a close knit family, even though we get together on all the requisite holidays and birthdays. There is talk and laughter and memories and uneasy silences. In his last years we used to walk around the neighborhood together every now and then just to keep in touch, it seems. I imagine that he always had greater hopes for me than the life I displayed before his eyes. I changed quite a bit over the years after he died and hope that most of it was for the better. I think he would have approved, but I would have rather have had a few more years after the changes to walk and talk with him. It might have made it more difficult to lose him but then it is always difficult no matter when you lose a parent. No fooling.

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